Have you ever had that moment when you have realised that you have done something so profoundly stupid that you promised yourself you wouldn’t do and took every precaution not to do?
Nothing life threatening but embarrassingly stupid and completely avoidable!
Well yesterday was my one of my days off and hot as Hades outside so I couldn’t be bothered going sightseeing.
Anyway, around 5pm decided it was time to go and get a cold beer and something to eat from the downstairs shop.
Now to put this in story in context you need to know 2 crucial facts
1 it was one of those lazy days where you don’t really do anything including taking a shower…you know just lounging around in your oldest most comfy dress…hair not combed, no make up …the day you really hope you don’t run into anyone you might even vaguely know…got it?
2 my house key was hanging on a hook at the door entry of my apartment!
Have you worked out yet what it was that I did that was so profoundly stupid?
Yep that’s right!!!
I walked out with my purse and shut the door behind me…and it was like in slow motion – I must have taken about 5 or 6 steps when I realised that I had shut the door behind me and I didn’t have the key or my mobile phone
I went back to my door and checked…
Yep – you stupid stupid stupid bitch!!!!!
There was no way of getting back in unless I changed into my Cat-woman suit and managed to scale the building with no ropes up to the 6th floor…
Oh Shit! I had left the Cat-woman suit inside the shoebox!
Phone a friend? ……nope phone with Cat-woman suit!
I was seriously dumbstruck – I didn’t know what to do.
Remember I am in China and they don’t speak English and I don’t speak Chinese!
The next hour or so really should be the basis of a Monty Python skit…
I was able to mime to the shop keeper that it was something to do with my keys (she had a set near the counter)
She grabbed a boy who came in to the store (who had about 4 words of English) and told him to tell the security guard (who sits in the foyer of the building and opens the door for you without ever checking if you actually live here)
The boy told the security guard that I had locked my key in my room …(I think the guard said stupid bitch…not my problem)
A girl came into the foyer and heard me trying to mime what I had done and kindly offered to help (she spoke passing English)
We had to check my apartment number (couldn’t remember the room number only the floor DOH…note to self …Room 602)
We went to Floor 12 to see if the people who ran the serviced apartment section of the building might help…I didn’t know they were there and they couldn’t.
We went back to my floor and suddenly this man appeared and said he could open my door – have no idea where he came from or who he was!
and …..
He opened my door using his credit card –
Yes that is correct Tonto – his credit card!
Seemingly if you don’t double lock your door here anyone can just help themselves to your belongings…and of course if you double lock your door then you have your keys with you!
2 plus 2 does equal 4 in China.
Fuck – needed a drink after all that!
Happy Bumbering
H
