bumbering around

When in Rome … well actually Vietnam…

I was told that the only way to get around was  to hire a scooter …so…

Suzi Q was delivered and I was ….mmm mobile?

‘What are the road rules?’, ‘Is there something I can read in English?,  How do I get my licence?’

‘Don’t worry, its ok, you’ll get used to it, just practice, be careful…’

Laughter bordering on sniggering coupled with…

Have you got hospital insurance?’

I managed around the car park without falling off and then….

‘Its only 10 minutes to school – down the street – turn left at the lights – down the street – go through the roundabout – down the street – turn left and then right into the carpark..’ were the instructions.

How hard can that be?

Well let me you it was a nightmare!

By the time I arrived I was a puddle of …sweat … and on the verge of tears …

I kid you not…I have never been so terrified in my life and seriously even over time it did not get a whole lot better!

Every time I felt a little more confident something happened either on the way somewhere or I would hear a story from a work mate or indeed that work mate would come in limping, on crutches or not at all.

Over the past 3 months I have ridden most days on main roads, back roads, dirt tracks, arterial highways, at peak hour, at night , through the odd monsoon and dust storm and even taken a passenger or two…(no not at the same time)

and every day it did my head in!

So I can hear you sigh – ‘it cant have been that bad’…Oh yes it was!!

There was no order in the chaos! 

There really are no fucking road rules… its a free for all and let me tell you the Vietnamese are a wonderful people but patient they are not.

Its almost impossible to really explain how bad it was but I will try and paint you a picture!

As you ride along any road, cars and bikes enter your path without stopping and without even looking to see if you are going to hit them on the way through!  Sometimes its from a cross road, sometimes it is to overtake you from the right or the left – sometimes at the same time…sometimes its coming straight at you on the wrong side of the traffic flow!

Sometimes after turning onto the road right in front of you the car will decide to stop ….yep just stop right there …maybe to park or drop something off or just because! 

Trucks are even better – they will pull across several lanes of traffic because at the last minute they have decided that this is the road they need to turn at…never mind that you are in the way – they will simply start moving and you had better get out of the way fast!

As for beeping – well there is no rhyme or reason to this either – sometimes they will beep to let you know that they are coming – sometimes they don’t and sometimes they just beep for the fun of it and to scare the shit out of you!

And the fumes – well imagine that most of the vehicles on the road are pretty old and probably not serviced very well – as they move along they generally give off large plumes of black shit which no doubt make it straight into your lungs even if you are wearing a mask! 

So what to do ? …you just want to kill them! 

Oh yes Road Rage – you have no idea….Miss Potty Mouth at her best and whilst they may not have understood the actual words it was quite clear that they got the message!

Honestly there was no joy in riding a scooter in Vietnam, at least not in urban areas!  Some expats claim to love riding but I was not one of them!

Apparently accidents on scooters are the number one killer of foreigners in Indochina…doesn’t surprise me!

So my 3 months are up and I have handed in my keys! 

Silent prayer of thanks to the Scooter God (or Goddess) and back to walking for me!

Happy Happy Bumbering!!!